Why the hell am I doing this? I guess I'll have a lot to think about for hopefully less than four hours tomorrow morning. 19 miles'am I out of my mind? Why? Why would I get up at four o'clock on a Sunday morning to do such a thing? It's going to be cold, wet, windy - I hate being cold. God, I really hate being cold.

I'm going to be tired because it's already 11:30 and I can't sleep, and I won't be able to sleep until 3:00 and then what's the point? I'll be crabby and resentful as all hell that I signed myself up for this insanity. What a stupid idea, sign up for the races - make the commitment and you'll find the drive...sink or swim. Who are you living in my head!? Get out - you make me do STUPID things! Stupid, incredible things.

Am I sick? Normal people don't do things like this. There's a reason that people look at me funny when they get wind of it. 19 miles!? Three hours on a bike!? What!? Are you crazy? What insanity. HA! And it's just practice insanity!!! In six weeks we have the Broadway opening of insanity! 26.2 miles of purely refined, premium craziness. It takes 45 minutes to DRIVE that far! There must be something wrong with me - normal people don't do things like this!

This is ridiculous. There is so much else I could be doing. I could sleep in, I could use my lunch break to actually eat lunch instead of taking a nap. I could eat doughnuts and cheesecake like normal people. I could kiss my kids good-morning every morning. I could live completely oblivious to my heart rate, I could rent a movie and actually stay awake long enough to watch it, I could be home with my family instead of out pedaling to oblivion on some stupid highway. I could NOT have an intensely personal and ongoing war with a flip turn!

If I didn't do this I'd have more time. I'd get more sleep. I wouldn't have to feel guilty for being away, I'd play more board games and use less conditioner. I'd get fat. I'd feel more rested. I wouldn't appreciate cold water or soft socks. I'd watch more TV. I'd fall out of sync with my body. I'd be less moody. I wouldn't be as good of a role model. I wouldn't have sick-teen pairs of running pants. I would miss a lot of sunrises. I wouldn't have all these doubts about making it.

I'd never know if I could have made it.

Normal people don't do things like this.